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      Main | Without a father I feel like all love is lost. »

      Email questions

      1.  My boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and we have gotten along great until recently. In the past two months things have changed now everytime we are together he checks my text, facebook, twitter and even my pictures. I cant talk to any guys around him or he automatically assumes im cheating. I honestly feel like im in love and i know we are only in high school but i dont want to throw this all away because of the controling feeling he has!  Any advice?


       Controlling people never, ever change.  This behavior only gets worse over time.  This is  pre-abuse, bordering on emotional abuse.  This behavior eventually turns into physical abusive.  Sometimes if a guy gets dumped by enough girlfriends, he figures this out and changes his ways, but he will always see YOU in this light.  I'm sorry, but you need to dump this boy and find someone who treats you better. 



      2.  My whole life has been control by the idea that I need other peoples validation to be happy. Do you have any advice on getting over this mindset?


       As Whitney Houston once sang, "learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all."  But poor Whitney also talked about her constipation on national tv, so what does she know?  I am a very self-validating person.  I have a very high opinion of myself.  However, most of the times I have searched for validation from others, I haven't got it.  I don't think a person can be truly happy when they look outside of themselves for validation.  Accept who you are, decide who you want to be, and be that person.  Screw everyone else.


       3.  I have a friend that seems to always make things a competition. We've been friends for 4 years. Everything has to be hers or if your going through something she's going through something worse. We had a fight and shes mad at me about not spending enough time with her, and shes mad because I spend more time with my boyfriend than I spend with her. I explained to her that I had just lost my grandmother less than a week ago, that I was there when she died and her funeral was the day before my birthday and she proceeded to tell me about all the people she has lost and how shes had it tough. I told her I didn't want to argue and that this was the last thing I.  needed right now.How would you handle a situation like this if you were in my shoes?



      You have to accept your friends for who they are and what they can give you.  Nothing more, nothing less.  If this friend is terrible with sympathy, don't go to them when you need sympathy.  If this person is more of a negative in your life than a positive, cut them loose.  I have different friends that i go to when i need a sympathetic ear, advice, or just a buddy to play cards with.  Cultivate the relationships that are good for you and weed out those that are not giving you what you need.


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