Why I didn't buy Wrestlemainia 29
Monday, April 15, 2013 at 09:28PM
Drew Richardson in wrestling, wrestling

                Mymissy and I were fully intending to get Wrestlemaina this year.  We spent a half an hour fighting the wiring in our house so we could jack the cable box into our big screen projector (and by “we” I mean her of course).    We called our few friends who would not be embarrassed to watch the show with us, and were contemplating menus.  At the last minute, we decided we just weren’t up for it.  Nothing about the event was inspiring at all.  So we cancelled the party (disappointing the one person who had committed to come) and didn’t even order.  The PPV cost 60 bucks, but the matches just didn’t add up.

 

Rock/Cena:  I’ve never been a huge fan of The Rock.  Mymissy hadn’t seen him before his big comeback last year, and it was fun to watch her delight in his interview style and catchphrases…last year.  Doing the same old crap that I was tired of 10 years ago wore thin on her too.  I’m not a Cena hater at all, but watching him go through the motions for two years in a row couldn’t pull a dime out of my pocket.  OK, I’ll give him credit for a quarter, since he usually does a cool WM entrance.  If I had known he wasn’t even going to do that, I wouldn’t even give it this much credit.  $.25

 

HHH/Brock:  I like Lesner quite a bit.  Mymissy was not convinced, but he really looks like a monster to me.  Plus I remember how amazing he was when he was young and hungry.  Mymissy is not a Heyman guy either, so while his participation in the match adds value for me, she is not impressed.  Plus she thinks Brock has a squeaky voice.  HHH on the other hand, inspires nothing from either of us.  Brock’s hardway cut on Raw was worth $2 just by itself.  I’d pay $4 for this match, and I think I would have gotten my money’s worth.

 

Taker/Punk:  Undertaker’s last three years of not clogging up the main event of my television show and only becoming a special event guy has REALLY made me turn around on him.  He has gone from one of my favorite wrestlers in the 90’s, to my least favorite of the 00’s, back to someone I am excited to see once a year.  Punk is amazing in all aspects of the game.  He truly is the best in the world right now.   I thought the Paul Bearer angle was very well done.  I think Bill would have been proud.  Without the death of Paul Bearer, I don’t know if this feud could have taken off, but this was the only match I was really willing to pay for, $20 and worth every penny.

 

Swagger/Del Rio:  I’ve been really digging the new Jack Swagger.  Dirty Dutch is one of my favorite wrestling storytellers, and I love the Zeb Coulter character.   This youtube video is the best thing I’ve seen in wrestling in the last few months:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=u9_RcD6WMmM   .  Mymissy really likes Del Rio as a face, especially his parody “We the People” video, but I think his moveset is really generic and boring.  I like Ricardo though.  This is great for a free TV feud, but I don’t have any faith in either of these guys to put on a match I would pay to see.  $.50 for the managers, and I wouldn’t have even  gotten that, since Ricardo is still selling his bad leg.

 

Jericho/Fandango:  I can dig Fandango as a comedy heal.  He’s WAAAAAAY better than 3MB.  Jericho is one of my all-time favorites, but his latest few runs haven’t done much for me.  I’d throw a buck at Fandango like he’s Magic Mike and feel pretty good about it.  His entrance was worth that.  At least he’s someone I haven’t seen a thousand times.

 

Hell No/Zig-E:  What a difference a year makes!  I thought last year’s Wrestlemainia would have killed off Daniel Bryant’s career.  I’m so glad he has rebounded.  Kane has always been worthless in any way except comedy vignettes or with the Undertaker, so he’s good in this role.   Ziggler is Mr. Perfect 2.0, and that is high, high praise from me.  Big E’s face is weird.  It’s too small for his body.  He’s not a bad talker either, but he reminds me too much of the second coming of Ice Train.  AJ’s butt is worth at least a buck, let’s call it $5 overall, but the match was nothing special.

 

Henry/Ryback:  I actually like Skip Sheffield better than Ryback and I’m glad to see Mark Henry finally figuring out the Sports Entertainment business after clogging up my TV for 10 years.  However, I’d fast forward through this if it were on RAW.  $.00

 

Shield/Orton, Shamus, Show:  I’m not a huge fan of the Shield gimmick, but I love seeing new, capable hands getting a push in WWE.  I’d like to see these guys working more matches.  I’ haven’t seen a lot of their indy work or NXT, but I’ve heard good things.   Despite Mymissy’s love of Randy Orton’s body, I couldn’t be more sick of him.  Learn a new move, please for the love of God, Randy.  Your dad was one of the best workers of all time.  Take a lesson.  Shamus has a certain charisma, but I’m sick of his face too.  Do we have to see his 6 move moveset every freaking week?   I liked Big Show against Del Rio, which is one of the only times I liked him as a heal.  I love watching him bump around like a pro for smaller guys.  $15 to actually see Rollins and Ambrose work, minus $10 for Orton and Shamus, $5 total.

 

Tons of Funk/Rhodes Scholars:  This was probably the only undercard match I was looking forward to.  I really enjoy Sandow, although he is starting to get a little stale.  Cody’s mustache is pure genius.   These two guys know their characters, and how to work.  I also dig silly monsters being silly.  Brodus and Albert crack me up.  I’m so glad they found something to do with Tensai.  I like my monsters much better when they are goofy.  This was a $10 match for me, if I had bought the show and seen it cut, I would have been livid. 

Even with that match included.  That only adds up to $47.75.  Not good enough WWE.  Add a Money in the Bank with Kofi, Cessarro, Ryder, Santino, Slater, and Bo Dallas (what happened to his push anyway?) and you might have gotten closer to my money, but as long as part-timers are going to be in the main events, I’ll keep my cash.

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